Julia was born on November 9th, 2006, Kealakekua, Hawaii. She was 7.2 oz. and 18 inches long. I was in labor for 48h and ended up having an emergency C-section. This was a big disappointment for me because I’ve always wanted to have a natural delivery. Because I had a C-section they did not allow me to hold my baby right away. I was only able to hold her in my arms when she was 3hours old. It’s well known how important the first hour of life of a newborn baby is. It’s when the baby is the most alert and ready to establish the bond with mommy. Thank God Matthew was there and was able to bond with her and it was very rewarding for him but I felt guilty for not being there for my baby.
From the beginning I didn’t have a lot of milk. I breastfed her exclusively for 15 days and had to supplement with formula up to two months and then I stopped breastfeeding because I had NO MORE milk. This was another BIG disappointment because I NEVER thought I would not be able to breastfeed my babies up to one year. And everybody knows the advantages of breast milk, no discussion about that. But reality is that I really didn’t have milk.
Well, guess what? With all these struggles I had a GREAT time of getting closer to God for the first couple of months after she was born and I’ll share with you one experience I had during this time.
I was trying to breastfeed her one day and she was refusing my breast. She was crying, totally upset, obviously hungry, but she would push my breasts away and keep crying and fighting me. After a while I was crying as well, very frustrated and feeling totally rejected by her.
And I was also crying out to God and asking for His help and for discernment to know what to do. At one point I felt God saying:
“Do you know what you feel when she fights and refuses your breasts? I feel the same when you fight my love”. And He went on: “Stop receiving the drops of my love, I want to pour out much more on you”.
And then I was REALLY crying and repenting before God because I never thought that He would feel rejected by me and I didn’t even know I was refusing His love. So I asked Him what I should do to completely receive His love. And He answered: “That’s the problem; you don’t have to DO anything. Stop DOING, simply BE in my presence and let me take care of you. Stop striving and fighting, I want to hold you in my arms, as you are holding Julia, and take care of you, providing everything you need. As soon as you start receiving my love she will also feel it and settle down”.
And I saw myself snuggling with Jesus and hearing Him speak words of love and affirmation to me. As soon as that happened Julia stopped crying and latched on, without my help, all by herself. It was like a miracle but I knew she was feeling Jesus’ love and peace.
That was an extraordinary experience and from that I took a couple of lessons. We all know that our kids belong to God. They are NOT OURS. We all know that in our minds but not always do we feel it in our hearts. After that experience I really felt that she belongs to Jesus and that there’s no better place for her to be other than in His arms of love. It was clear that I can’t provide everything she needs and I’ll always fall short on something. So it became really easy for me to surrender and truly, give her to Him. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that.
And the second thing I took out of it was true compassion for new moms. If I ever come back to work as a Pediatrician I’m sure I’ll have an extra amount of compassion for the moms of my little patients.
Isn’t that amazing the way God works? He takes what the enemy meant for evil and turns it into good. I’m SO grateful for that and for God’s gentle way of teaching us, always full of love. Praise Him!!!
I love you, Father!!!
Ana
From the beginning I didn’t have a lot of milk. I breastfed her exclusively for 15 days and had to supplement with formula up to two months and then I stopped breastfeeding because I had NO MORE milk. This was another BIG disappointment because I NEVER thought I would not be able to breastfeed my babies up to one year. And everybody knows the advantages of breast milk, no discussion about that. But reality is that I really didn’t have milk.
Well, guess what? With all these struggles I had a GREAT time of getting closer to God for the first couple of months after she was born and I’ll share with you one experience I had during this time.
I was trying to breastfeed her one day and she was refusing my breast. She was crying, totally upset, obviously hungry, but she would push my breasts away and keep crying and fighting me. After a while I was crying as well, very frustrated and feeling totally rejected by her.
And I was also crying out to God and asking for His help and for discernment to know what to do. At one point I felt God saying:
“Do you know what you feel when she fights and refuses your breasts? I feel the same when you fight my love”. And He went on: “Stop receiving the drops of my love, I want to pour out much more on you”.
And then I was REALLY crying and repenting before God because I never thought that He would feel rejected by me and I didn’t even know I was refusing His love. So I asked Him what I should do to completely receive His love. And He answered: “That’s the problem; you don’t have to DO anything. Stop DOING, simply BE in my presence and let me take care of you. Stop striving and fighting, I want to hold you in my arms, as you are holding Julia, and take care of you, providing everything you need. As soon as you start receiving my love she will also feel it and settle down”.
And I saw myself snuggling with Jesus and hearing Him speak words of love and affirmation to me. As soon as that happened Julia stopped crying and latched on, without my help, all by herself. It was like a miracle but I knew she was feeling Jesus’ love and peace.
That was an extraordinary experience and from that I took a couple of lessons. We all know that our kids belong to God. They are NOT OURS. We all know that in our minds but not always do we feel it in our hearts. After that experience I really felt that she belongs to Jesus and that there’s no better place for her to be other than in His arms of love. It was clear that I can’t provide everything she needs and I’ll always fall short on something. So it became really easy for me to surrender and truly, give her to Him. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that.
And the second thing I took out of it was true compassion for new moms. If I ever come back to work as a Pediatrician I’m sure I’ll have an extra amount of compassion for the moms of my little patients.
Isn’t that amazing the way God works? He takes what the enemy meant for evil and turns it into good. I’m SO grateful for that and for God’s gentle way of teaching us, always full of love. Praise Him!!!
I love you, Father!!!
Ana
3 comments:
What a great testimony. She is a real doll. we have enjoyed all your other updates and look forward to blogging with you.
She is so sweet!!! :))
-Anete-
Ana,
It is so great to know you and Matthew and to be the godmother of such a beautiful little girl. It such a pleasure to have her at the pregnancy center...we can hardly get our work done....she is soooooooooo cute. Thanks for including us in your lives.
love Suzanne and Asher too!
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